AHA MOMENT FOR MOM

Nature was taking its course in my home, in my 10 year old son.  His voice was deep.  What is that all about?  Could puberty be starting this early?   I dismissed it and told myself he just has a low voice.
One day the phone rang. It was for my son.  A classmate, a girl.  He took the phone, looked at me with a look I didn't recognize.  He walked to his room and slowly shut the door.  

Something welled up inside me from the pit of my stomache.  He just turned a corner and I watched it happen right before my eyes and noted the exact moment.  It was the first time he seeked out privacy in our home. 

...................AHA MOMENT.

The phone call that I noticed sent him out to the end of the driveway where he sat for what seemed like forever talking to someone that was to remain secret.  I watched from the window remembering my times on the phone with friends and wanting those times for just me.  I had no desire to share anything with my mother.  I dreaded this time for I remember how it pushed my mother and me apart for a very long time.

But I wonder if it kept us apart because of how she handled it.  I decided I was going to find a way that would be different for me and him.

How wrong I was!  

I did not find that way.  I was destined to repeat history for I had no role model and no idea what the right thing to do was.  All my friends were single or just getting married.  I was in unknown territory.  

Advice and comments from family and friends - 

"Children are innately selfish."  "Boys will be boys." "You have to let him find his own way and make his own mistakes."
"That's a strong willed one you've got there."  "He'll be fine."

Childlike innocence was leaving.  Reality of adolescence and young adulthood was entering and I was alone without a husband.  

I was a baby Christian single mother unsure how to handle a boy who wouldn't let his mother into his most private places.  He wouldn't tell me about the things that were changing in his body, in his heart, in his head.  All I could do was pray that God would protect him and pray I did.

One of the young girls that was speaking to him on the phone "so secretly" invited him to her church one evening.  It was an event that would begin him on his journey to Christ.  He came home that night full of excitement and awe telling me he was saved and had given his heart and life over to Jesus.  I praised God and thanked Him for calling my sons name.

But now the battle would begin.  The battle of the unseen forces that would fight to keep him down and work to cause him to fall away from faith and from God.

My son is now 29 years old and there are many things that have happened that I will continue to post about my son's journey and how God has used him Before my son was born God told me my son would be a warrior for Christ so as you can imagine we have been in constant war with the enemy trying to take his life.  And mine.  It's a miracle we have lived through it.  But I have and so has he.  

For now,
I can tell you there is hope!
Anice

F.E.A.R. and Our Calling

Do you sit and wait for God to tell you what He wants you to do for him?
Do you keep asking Him.....What do you want me to do?
Do you hear an answer and dismiss it because It couldn't possibly be coming from God?

It is something you feel completely unworthy to step into and serve?
How can you help someone in this area when you failed in it yourself?
How can you be an example of victory in this area God is telling you to go and disciple?

I am afraid I will fail and do no good at all.
I am afraid I am not hearing God correctly.
I am afraid I will not find the words.

Fear is keeping me from doing what I know God wants me to do and has called me to do for years now.  I keep putting Him off.  He is patient with me.  I don't deserve His patience.  Yet He is so patient.  Fear and the feeling of unworthiness that I would have any right to minister to those facing a choice that will be one of the hardest they will ever make.

It is the choice to have an abortion.  I killed my baby and am forever regretful.  It has taken me many years to believe that God has forgiven me my choice.

How He loves me.  How my fear melts away when I know and believe this to be true.
I know He will help me.  I just have to trust and be Fearless.
I keep remembering Moses and His disbelief that he had been chosen for such a grand task by His God.  God put power into his stick and words in his mouth.
Moses was afraid.  Yet he was obedient.  He trusted and stepped out in faith.  God used Him to free His people from bondage.

We are to free people from bondage.  Any bondage.  Our particular gift could help one of many different kinds of bondage.

Of course my calling has to do with something that is a very complicated bondage since its essence doesn't seem like a bondage to the average person.  It seems a way to freedom and living life the way a person planned their life.  This bondage would exist in their future if they don't choose correctly.

But my fear and doubt immediately say, who am I to say they are or aren't choosing correctly?
I can only know in my soul that choosing not to do what will make their future easy is the correct choice and do my best to help them see that.

It will be my job to convince them otherwise.  That the real bondage will be after they make that choice.

I have a picture in my head of a devil on one shoulder and an angel on another.  Both saying to do different things.  Society today mostly backs up the devil.  Freedom from bondage is what the angel is offering but  they can't see it as freedom.  They need help seeing it and believing and leaning to choose the path that leads to ultimate freedom and a joy they cannot imagine ever feeling.

Freedom of Choice is what I am to battle.  We do have freedom of choice.  God gave us free will and it is between a woman and her God what she experiences when she makes that choice.  It is not for any government or person to tell that woman what to do, what to choose.  So I have to disciple her on what God says and then it is up to her.

I can only tell her what I went through after I made the wrong choice, more than once.  I can offer empathy, knowing the pain and how difficult a decision it is.  But since I have been there, I can tell her my story and how long I was in bondage and how I was able to be forgiven but that I wished I never had to go through all those years and all those emotions.  Even forgiven by my Father, I still regret my choice.  I was surrounded by secular people, not one person told me what God thought of what I was contemplating.  No one I loved offered me guidance, truth.  I may have been able to be swayed the other way but I will never know since no one tried to change my mind.

In fact, they pushed me toward it, told me it would wreck my life and my future.  How would they know what God's plan for me was and why did they not tell me to trust in a God that has a plan for me and would take care of me?

I might have believed them.

Stressful times? Stand in Faith

This is a direct link to a site I follow. It would take me a long time to rewrite as many scriptures as "Where is God Ministries" wrote below.  Please go to their site and find more inspiration and browse topics for what you need in your walk.  Right now my need is dealing with Major Stress.  These scriptures help me find peace and calm in my storm.

This collection of Bible verses was compiled by Rebecca Groothuis. Rebecca is a writer and editor who struggles greatly with Fibromyalgia.

Bible Verses for 

Faith in Times of Stress

Visit Doug and Rebecca Groothuis' Website at:http://ivpress.gospelcom.net/groothuis/doug/

Scripture references taken from NIV and NRSV.

My presence will go with you, and I will give you rest. (Exodus 33:14)

It is the Lord who goes before you. He will be with you; he will not fail you or forsake you. Do not fear or be dismayed. (Deuteronomy 31:8)

The eternal God is your refuge, and underneath are the everlasting arms. (Deuteronomy 33:27)

The Lord is a refuge for the oppressed, a stronghold in times of trouble. (Psalm 9:9-10)

I have set the Lord always before me. Because he is at my right hand, I will not be shaken. (Psalm 16:8)

The Lord is my light and my salvation; whom shall I fear? The Lord is the stronghold of my life; of whom shall I be afraid? Though an army encamp against me, my heart shall not fear; though war rise up against me, yet I will be confident. (Psalm 27: 1, 3)

You are my hiding place; you will protect me from trouble and surround me with songs of deliverance. (Psalm 32:7-8)

I sought the Lord, and he answered me, and delivered me from all my fears. (Psalm 34:4)

Those who seek the Lord lack no good thing. (Psalm 34:10b)

When the righteous cry for help, the Lord hears, and rescues them from all their troubles. (Psalm 34:17)

Trust in the Lord and do good; so you will live in the land, and enjoy security. Take delight in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart. Commit your way to the Lord; trust in him, and he will act. Be still before the Lord, and wait patiently for him. (Psalm 37:3-5, 7a)

Why are you cast down, O my soul, and why are you disquieted within me? Hope in God; for I shall again praise him, my help and my God. By day the Lord commands his steadfast love, and at night his son is with me, a prayer to the God of my life. (Psalm 42: 5,8)

God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble. Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea, though its waters roar and foam and the mountains quake with their surging. (Psalm 46:1-3)

Hear my cry, O God; listen to my prayer. From the ends of the earth I call to you, I call as my heart grows faint; lead me to the rock that is higher than I. For you have been my refuge, a strong tower against the foe. I long to dwell in your tent forever and take refuge in the shelter of your wings. (Psalm 61:1-4)

My soul finds rest in God alone; my salvation comes from him. He alone is my rock and my salvation; he is my fortress, I will never be shaken. (Psalm 62:1-2)

You who live in the shelter of the Most High, who abide in the shadow of the Almighty, will say to the Lord, "My refuge and my fortress; my God in whom I trust." (Psalm 91:1-2)

Those who love me, I will deliver; I will protect those who know my name. When they call to me, I will answer them; I will be with them in trouble, I will rescue them and honor them. With long life I will satisfy them, and show them my salvation. (Psalm 91:14-16)

Bless the Lord, O my soul, and do not forget all his benefits—who forgives all your sins and heals all your diseases, who redeems your life from the pit and crowns you with love and compassion, who satisfies your desires with good things so that your youth is renewed like the eagle's. (Psalm 103:2-5)

Praise the Lord! Happy are those who fear the Lord. They are not afraid of evil tidings; their hearts are firm, secure in the Lord. Their hearts are steady, they will not be afraid. (Psalm 112: 1a, 7-8a)

Unless the Lord builds the house, those who build it labor in vain. Unless the Lord guards the city, the guard keeps watch in vain. It is in vain that you rise up early and go late to rest, eating the bread of anxious toil; for he gives sleep to his beloved. (Psalm 127:1-2)

When I called, you answered me; you made me bold and stouthearted. (Psalm 138:3)

Where can I go from your Spirit? Where can I flee from your presence? If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea, even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast. Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting. (Psalm 139: 7, 9-10, 23-24)

The Lord is near to all who call on him, to all who call on him in truth. He fulfills the desires of those who fear him; he hears their cry and saves them. (Psalm 145: 18-19)

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight. (Proverbs 3:5-6)

The name of the Lord is a strong tower; the righteous run into it and are safe. (Proverbs 18:10)

Fear of others will prove to be a snare, but whoever trusts in the Lord is kept safe. (Proverbs 29:25)

Surely God is my salvation; I will trust and not be afraid. The Lord, the Lord, is my strength and my song; he has become my salvation. With joy you will draw water from the wells of salvation. (Isaiah 12:2)

Those of steadfast mind you keep in peace—because they trust in you. Trust in the Lord forever, for in the Lord God you have an everlasting rock. (Isaiah 26: 3-4)

In repentance and rest is your salvation, in quietness and trust is your strength. (Isaiah 30:15)

Do you not know? Have you not heard? The Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He will not grow tired or weary, and his understanding no one can fathom. He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint. (Isaiah 40:28-31)

So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. (Isaiah 41:10)

Do not fear, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by name, you are mine. When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and through the rivers, they shall not overwhelm you; when you walk through fire you shall not be burned, and the flame shall not consume you. For I am the Lord you God, the Holy One of Israel, your Savior. (Isaiah 43:1b-3a)

O Lord, my strength and my fortress, my refuge in time of distress. (Jeremiah 16:19)

You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. (Jeremiah 29:13)

I have loved you with an everlasting love; I have drawn you with loving-kindness. (Jeremiah 31:3)

Ah Lord God! It is you who made the heavens and the earth by your great power and by your outstretched arm! Nothing is too hard for you. (Jeremiah 32:17)

See, I am the Lord, the God of all flesh; is anything too hard for me? (Jeremiah 32:27)

Your father knows what you need before you ask him. So do not worry, saying 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we wear?' For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Today's trouble is enough for today. (Matthew 6:8b, 31-34)

Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light. (Matthew 11: 28-31)

Are not five sparrows sold for two pennies? Yet not one of them is forgotten in God's sight. But even the hairs of your head are all counted. Do not be afraid; you are of more value than many sparrows. (Luke 12:6-7)

Can any of you by worrying add a single hour to your span of life? If then you are not able to do so small a thing as that, why do you worry about the rest. (Luke 12:25-26)

Do not be afraid, little flock, for it is your Father's good pleasure to give you the kingdom. (Luke 12:32)

Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid. (John 14:27)

Abide in me as I abide in you. Just as the branch cannot bear fruit by itself unless it abides in the vine, neither can you unless you abide in me. I am the vine, you are the branches. Those who abide in me and I in them bear much fruit, because apart from me you can do nothing. If you abide in me, and my words abide in you, ask for whatever you wish, and it will be done for you. If you keep my commandments, you will abide in my love, just as I have kept my Father's commandments and abide in his love. (John 15:4-5,7,10)

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. (Romans 8:28)

If God is for us, who can be against us? Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword? No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord. (Romans 8: 31b, 35, 37-39)

My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness. (2 Corinthians 12:9)

Do not worry about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Finally, beloved, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is pleasing, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence and if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things. (Philippians 4:6-8)

I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation . . . . I can do everything through him who gives me strength. (Philippians 4: 12-13)

But the Lord is faithful, and he will strengthen and protect you from the evil one. (2 Thessalonians 3:3)

For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love and of self-discipline. (2 Timothy 1:7)

For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who in every respect has been tested as we are, yet without sin. Let us therefore approach the throne of grace with boldness, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need. (Hebrews 4:16)

Keep your lives free from the love of money, and be content with what you have; for he has said, 'I will never leave you or forsake you.' So we can say with confidence, 'The Lord is my helper; I will not be afraid. What can anyone do to me?' (Hebrews 13: 5-6)

If any of you is lacking in wisdom, ask God, who gives to all generously and ungrudgingly, and it will be given you. But ask in faith, never doubting, for the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea, driven and tossed by the wind. (James 1:5-6)

Cast all your anxiety on him, because he cares for you. Discipline yourselves, keep alert. Like a roaring lion your adversary the devil prowls around, looking for someone to devour. Resist him, steadfast in your faith

. . . . And after you have suffered for a little while, the God of all grace, who has called you to his eternal glory in Christ, will himself restore, support, strengthen, and establish you. (1 Peter 5: 7-10)

There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love. We love because he first loved us. (1 John 4: 18-19)

Do not be afraid. Stand firm and you will see the deliverance the Lord will bring you today. The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still. (Exodus 14:13a,14)

My presence will go with you, and I will give you rest. (Exodus 33:14)

Be strong and bold; have no fear or dread of them, because it is the Lord your God who goes before you. He will be with you; he will not fail you or forsake you. Do not fear or be dismayed. (Deuteronomy 31:6,8)

The eternal God is your refuge, and underneath are the everlasting arms. (Deuteronomy 33:27)

Be strong and courageous; do not be frightened or dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go. (Joshua 1:9)

Do not grieve, for the joy of the Lord is your strength. (Nehemiah 8:10b)

You will forget your misery; you will remember it as waters that have passed away. (Job 11:16)

By his light I walked through darkness. (Job 29:3)

I will lie down and sleep in peace, for you alone, O Lord, make me dwell in safety. (Psalm 4:8)

The Lord is a refuge for the oppressed, a stronghold in times of trouble. Those who know your name will trust in you, for you, Lord, have never forsaken those who seek you. (Psalm 9:9-10)

I have set the Lord always before me. Because he is at my right hand, I will not be shaken. (Psalm 16:8)

You show me the path of life. In your presence there is fullness of joy; in your right hand are pleasures forevermore. (Psalm 16:11)

It is you who light my lamp; the Lord, my God, lights up my darkness. (Psalm 18:28)

The Lord is my light and my salvation -- whom shall I fear? The Lord is the stronghold of my life -- of whom shall I be afraid? Though an army besiege me, my heart will not fear; though war break out against me, even then will I be confident. One thing I ask of the Lord, this is what I seek: that I may dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of my life, to gaze upon the beauty of the Lord and to seek him in his temple. For in the day of trouble he will keep me safe in his dwelling; he will hide me in the shelter of his tabernacle and set me high upon a rock. (Psalm 27:1,3-5)

Wait for the Lord; be strong, and let your heart take courage; wait for the Lord! (Psalm 27:14)

You are my hiding place; you will protect me from trouble and surround me with songs of deliverance. (Psalm 32:7-8)

I sought the Lord, and he answered me, and delivered me from all my fears. (Psalm 34:4)

The angel of the Lord encamps around those who fear him, and delivers them. (Psalm 34:7)

Those who seek the Lord lack no good thing. (Psalm 34:10b)

When the righteous cry for help, the Lord hears, and rescues them from all their troubles. The Lord is near to the brokenhearted, and saves the crushed in spirit. Many are the afflictions of the righteous, but the Lord rescues them from them all. (Psalm 34:17-19)

Trust in the Lord and do good; so you will live in the land, and enjoy security. Take delight in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart. Commit your way to the Lord; trust in him, and he will do this: He will make your righteousness shine like the dawn, the justice of your cause like the noonday sun. Be still before the Lord, and wait patiently for him. (Psalm 37:3-7a)

Why are you cast down, O my soul, and why are you disquieted within me? Hope in God; for I shall again praise him, my help and my God. By day the Lord commands his steadfast love, and at night his song is with me, a prayer to the God of my life. (Psalm 42:5,8)

God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble. Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea, though its waters roar and foam and the mountains quake with their surging. (Psalm 46:1-3)

Be still, and know that I am God. (Psalm 46:10a)

Create in me a clean heart, O God, and put a new and right spirit within me. Do not cast me from your presence or take your Holy Spirit from me. Restore to me the joy of your salvation, and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me. (Psalm 51:10-12)

Hear my cry, O God; listen to my prayer. From the ends of the earth I call to you, I call as my heart grows faint; lead me to the rock that is higher than I. For you have been my refuge, a strong tower against the foe. I long to dwell in your tent forever and take refuge in the shelter of your wings. (Psalm 61:1-4)

My soul finds rest in God alone; my salvation comes from him. He alone is my rock and my salvation; he is my fortress, I will never be shaken. (Psalm 62:1-2)

Be thou my strong habitation, whereunto I may continually resort: thou has given commandment to save me; for thou art my rock and my fortress. (Psalm 71:3; KJV)

Though you have made me see troubles, many and bitter, you will restore my life again; from the depths of the earth you will again bring me up. (Psalm 71:20)

My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever. (Psalm 73:26)

Blessed are those whose strength is in you, who have set their hearts on pilgrimage. They go from strength to strength, till each appears before God in Zion. (Psalm 84:5,7)

You who live in the shelter of the Most High, who abide in the shadow of the Almighty, will say to the Lord, "My refuge and my fortress; my God in whom I trust." You will not fear the terror of the night, or the arrow that flies by day, or the pestilence that stalks in darkness, or the destruction that wastes at noonday. Because you have made the Lord your refuge, the Most High your dwelling place, no evil shall befall you, no scourge come near your tent. For he will command his angels concerning you to guard you in all your ways. On their hands they will bear you up, so that you will not dash your foot against a stone. (Psalm 91:1-2,5-6,9-12)

Those who love me, I will deliver; I will protect those who know my name. When they call to me, I will answer them; I will be with them in trouble, I will rescue them and honor them. With long life I will satisfy them, and show them my salvation. (Psalm 91:14-16)

When I said, "My foot is slipping," your love, O Lord, supported me. When anxiety was great within me, your consolation brought joy to my soul. (Psalm 94:18-19)

Bless the Lord, O my soul, and do not forget all his benefits --who forgives all your sins and heals all your diseases, who redeems your life from the pit and crowns you with love and compassion, who satisfies your desires with good things so that your youth is renewed like the eagle's. (Psalm 103:2-5)

Praise the Lord! Happy are those who fear the Lord. They are not afraid of evil tidings; their hearts are firm, secure in the Lord. Their hearts are steady, they will not be afraid. (Psalm 112:1a,7-8a)

Be at rest once more, O my soul, for the Lord has been good to you. For you, O Lord, have delivered my soul from death, my eyes from tears, my feet from stumbling, that I may walk before the Lord in the land of the living. (Psalm 116:7-9)

I will not die but live, and will proclaim what the Lord has done. The Lord has chastened me severely, but he has not given me over to death. (Psalm 118:17-18)

My soul is weary with sorrow; strengthen me according to your word. (Psalm 119:28)

My comfort in my suffering is this: Your promise preserves my life. (Psalm 119:50)

Unless the Lord builds the house, those who build it labor in vain. Unless the Lord guards the city, the guard keeps watch in vain. It is in vain that you rise up early and go late to rest, eating the bread of anxious toil; for he gives sleep to his beloved. (Psalm 127:1-2)

When I called, you answered me; you made me bold and stouthearted. (Psalm 138:3)

Though I walk in the midst of trouble, you preserve my life; you stretch out your hand against the anger of my foes, with your right hand you save me. (Psalm 138:7)

Where can I go from your Spirit? Where can I flee from your presence? If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea, even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast. If I say, "Surely the darkness will hide me and the light become night around me," even the darkness will not be dark to you; the night will shine like the day, for darkness is as light to you. Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting. (Psalm 139:7,9-12,23-24)

My eyes are fixed on you, O Sovereign Lord; in you I take refuge--do not give me over to death. (Psalm 141:8)

The Lord is near to all who call on him, to all who call on him in truth. He fulfills the desires of those who fear him; he hears their cry and saves them. (Psalm 145:18-19)

He heals the brokenhearted, and binds up their wounds. (Psalm 147:3)

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight. (Proverbs 3:5-6)

When you lie down, you will not be afraid; when you lie down, your sleep will be sweet. (Proverbs 3:24)

The name of the Lord is a strong tower; the righteous run into it and are safe. (Proverbs 18:10)

Fear of others will prove to be a snare, but whoever trusts in the Lord is kept safe. (Proverbs 29:25)

Surely God is my salvation; I will trust and not be afraid. The Lord, the Lord, is my strength and my song; he has become my salvation. With joy you will draw water from the wells of salvation. (Isaiah 12:2)

Those of steadfast mind you keep in peace--because they trust in you. Trust in the Lord forever, for in the Lord God you have an everlasting rock. (Isaiah 26:3-4)

Lord, you establish peace for us; all that we have accomplished you have done for us. (Isaiah 26:12)

In repentance and rest is your salvation, in quietness and trust is your strength. (Isaiah 30:15)

Whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you, saying, "This is the way; walk in it." (Isaiah 30:21)

Say to those with fearful hearts, "Be strong, do not fear; your God will come, he will come with vengeance; with divine retribution he will come to save you." (Isaiah 35:4-5)

Do you not know? Have you not heard? The Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He will not grow tired or weary, and his understanding no one can fathom. He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint. (Isaiah 40:28-31)

So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. (Isaiah 41:10)

Do not fear, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by name, you are mine. When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and through the rivers, they shall not overwhelm you; when you walk through fire you shall not be burned, and the flame shall not consume you. For I am the Lord your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Savior. (Isaiah 43:1b-3a)

As a mother comforts her child, so will I comfort you. (Isaiah 66:13a)

O Lord, my strength and my fortress, my refuge in time of distress. (Jeremiah 16:19a)

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. I will be found by you," delares the Lord, "and will bring you back from captivity." (Jeremiah 29:11-14a)

I have loved you with an everlasting love; I have drawn you with loving-kindness. (Jeremiah 31:3)

Restrain your voice from weeping and your eyes from tears, for your work will be rewarded. (Jeremiah 31:16)

Ah Lord God! It is you who made the heavens and the earth by your great power and by your outstretched arm! Nothing is too hard for you. (Jeremiah 32:17)

See, I am the Lord, the God of all flesh; is anything too hard for me? (Jeremiah 32:27)

Because of the Lord's great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. I say to myself, "The Lord is my portion; therefore I will wait for him." The Lord is good to those whose hope is in him, to the one who seeks him; it is good to wait quietly for the salvation of the Lord. (Lamentations 3:22-26)

For the Lord will not reject forever. Although he causes grief, he will have compassion according to the abundance of his steadfast love; for he does not willingly afflict or grieve anyone. (Lamentations 3:31-32)

Do not rejoice over me, O my enemy; when I fall, I shall rise; when I sit in darkness, the Lord will be a light to me. (Micah 7:8)

The Lord your God is with you, he is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, he will quiet you with his love, he will rejoice over you with singing. (Zephaniah 3:17)

Your father knows what you need before you ask him. Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink, or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing? So do not worry, saying, "What shall we eat?" or "What shall we wear?" For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Today's trouble is enough for today. (Matthew 6:8b,25,31-34)

Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light. (Matthew 11:28-31)

If you have faith the size of a mustard seed, you will say to this mountain, "move from here to there," and it will move; and nothing will be impossible for you. (Matthew 17:20)

Are not five sparrows sold for two pennies? Yet not one of them is forgotten in God's sight. But even the hairs of your head are all counted. Do not be afraid; you are of more value than many sparrows. (Luke 12:6-7)

Can any of you by worrying add a single hour to your span of life? If then you are not able to do so small a thing as that, why do you worry about the rest? (Luke 12:25-26)

Do not be afraid, little flock, for it is your Father's good pleasure to give you the kingdom. (Luke 12:32)

Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid. (John 14:27)

Abide in me as I abide in you. Just as the branch cannot bear fruit by itself unless it abides in the vine, neither can you unless you abide in me. I am the vine, you are the branches. Those who abide in me and I in them bear much fruit, because apart from me you can do nothing. If you abide in me, and my words abide in you, ask for whatever you wish, and it will be done for you. If you keep my commandments, you will abide in my love, just as I have kept my Father's commandments and abide in his love. (John 15:4-5,7,10)

If the Spirit of him who raised Jesus from the dead dwells in you, he who raised Christ from the dead will give life to your mortal bodies also through his Spirit that dwells in you. (Romans 8:11)

I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory about to be revealed to us. (Romans 8:18)

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. (Romans 8:28)

If God is for us, who can be against us? Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword? No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord. (Romans 8:31b,35,37-39)

The God of peace will soon crush Satan under your feet. (Romans 16:20)

No testing has overtaken you that is not common to everyone. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tested beyond your strength, but with the testing he will also provide the way out so that you may be able to endure it. (1 Corinthians 10:13)

For we were so utterly, unbearably crushed that we despaired of life itself. Indeed, we felt that we had received the sentence of death so that we would rely not on ourselves but on God who raises the dead. He who rescued us from so deadly a peril will continue to rescue us; on him we have set our hope that he will rescue us again. (2 Corinthians 1:8b-10a)

But we have this treasure in clay jars, so that it may be made clear that this extraordinary power belongs to God and does not come from us. We are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not driven to despair; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed; always carrying in the body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be made visible in our bodies. (2 Corinthians 4:7-10)

So we do not lose heart. Even though our outer nature is wasting away, our inner nature is being renewed day by day. For this slight momentary affliction is preparing us for an eternal weight of glory beyond all measure, because we look not at what can be seen but at what cannot be seen; for what can be seen is temporary, but what cannot be seen is eternal. (2 Corinthians 4:16-18)

So if anyone is in Christ, there is a new creation: everything old has passed away; see, everything has become new! (2 Corinthians 5:17)

And God is able to make all grace abound to you, so that in all things at all times, having all that you need, you will abound in every good work. (2 Corinthians 9:8)

My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness. (2 Corinthians 12:9a)

I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me. (Galatians 2:20)

Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up. (Galatians 6:9)

Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly places. (Ephesians 1:3)

Do not worry about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Finally, beloved, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is pleasing, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence and if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things. (Philippians 4:6-8)

I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation. I can do everything through him who gives me strength. (Philippians 4:12a,13)

Set your minds on things that are above, not on things that are on earth, for you have died, and your life is hidden with Christ in God. When Christ who is your life is revealed, then you also will be revealed with him in glory. (Colossians 3:2-4)

Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts. (Colossians 3:15a)

But the Lord is faithful, and he will strengthen and protect you from the evil one. (2 Thessalonians 3:3)

Now may the Lord of peace himself give you peace at all times and in every way. (2 Thessalonians 3:16)

For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love and of self-discipline. (2 Timothy 1:7)

The Lord will rescue me from every evil attack and will bring me safely to his heavenly kingdom. To him be glory for ever and ever. (2 Timothy 4:18)

For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who in every respect has been tested as we are, yet without sin. Let us therefore approach the throne of grace with boldness, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need. (Hebrews 4:15-16)

God is not unjust; he will not forget your work and the love you have shown him as you have helped his people and continue to help them. (Hebrews 6:10)

Keep your lives free from the love of money, and be content with what you have; for he has said, "I will never leave you or forsake you." So we can say with confidence, "The Lord is my helper; I will not be afraid. What can anyone do to me?" (Hebrews 13:5-6)

If any of you is lacking in wisdom, ask God, who gives to all generously and ungrudgingly, and it will be given you. But ask in faith, never doubting, for the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea, driven and tossed by the wind. (James 1:5-6)

Let those suffering in accordance with God's will entrust themselves to a faithful Creator, while continuing to do good. (1 Peter 4:19)

Cast all your anxiety on him, because he cares for you. Discipline yourselves, keep alert. Like a roaring lion your adversary the devil prowls around, looking for someone to devour. Resist him, steadfast in your faith. And after you have suffered for a little while, the God of all grace, who has called you to his eternal glory in Christ, will himself restore, support, strengthen, and establish you. (1 Peter 5:7-9a,10)

There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love. We love because he first loved us. (1 John 4:18-19)

For everyone born of God overcomes the world. This is the victory that has overcome the world, even our faith. Who is it that overcomes the world? Only he who believes that Jesus is the Son of God. (1 John 5:4-5)

Gratefulness

It is that time of year again where I see people everywhere showing thankfulness and gratefulness in their blogs and posts, on Facebook and I am sure on Twitter, although I don't twitter yet. one technical thing at a time for this ole gal!

I am very happy to say that I practice thankfulness and gratefulness every single day. It is a principle taught to me by Scripture and by friends and my step daughters and son who are so wise!  I am surrounded by such special people who keep me standing in gratefulness when I tend to go off the deep end into bitterness and anger when my triggers are triggered.  They reel me in when they are there and help me get back into the place that is naturally peaceful.

I don't like leaving this place of peacefulness but daily life has a way of taking me into the world of chaos.  So I am actually grateful for "gratefulness"!!

1 thes 5:16-17 // Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.

Hoping you find peace today!
Anice

Measure of Faith.....A Journey

I was challenged recently on my measure of faith.

People close to me were asking me about why I was angry and talking about faith.  Did I have any?
I began a long journey back from a long journey that took my faith away.  I hope others can be healed or helped by my story.

I have been through a year and a half of major life changes and stresses and have not succeeded in allowing God to handle it all for me.  It is so easy to fall into the old bad habits of trying to handle everything on my own.  There are consequences to lacking faith.  I was feeling the tug of the holy spirit at my heart. 



  

2 and a half years ago I finally felt I was getting to a point of allowing God to heal my emotional and physical pain from a traumatic second marriage and divorce experience when I was blind sighted by another extremely stressful situation that I never saw coming.  My mother's sister, my 96 year old aunt had fallen again and my mother was not able to keep going to see her out of state. 

This was the 6th fall in a span of several years. 

Each time involved rehab and my mother spending more and more time there and sometimes coming home to catch up on her responsibilities and life and then going back.  She is 83 and has had numerous health issues herself.  Physically she is worse off than my aunt.  But she always rallied and I am with her to help. 

My aunt had no one living with her to help.  So before we all thought about the ramifications of a decision we would make hastily my aunt was living with us. 
We brought her here, made all the arrangements to put her house on the market so the money from the sale could pay for care for her.  My mother went and packed her house, dividing it up into piles:

One for relatives to have.
One to go to consignment .
One for friends.
One for shipping to Atlanta.
One for donating.
One for trash.

This in itself took its toll on my mother's health.  Her decline began.  My brothers and I helped but she did most of the hard work.  No one locally helped her in the house.  It was a sad story that doesn't need to be told here.

Once all that was done I found myself caring for 2 sick old women!  I know that sounds bad but it was just that.  

The toll this took on me escalated very quickly.  Before I knew it I had stopped journaling.  I was consumed with my aunt's needs.  Every minute seemed to revolve around her.

My aunt became very bitter, angry and abusive.  She blamed us for her losses and her pain.  She needed someone to blame.  She wanted everyone around her to be angry and bitter.  Misery loves company and she was bound and determined that everyone around her paid for her pain. Then she would be sorry and I began to see a pattern forming in our home. 

It was toxic and very difficult to be around her.  There is something about the women in my family.  They treat each other badly and worship the men in it.  Dysfunction at its best.

It scared me because it was abusive and I had just healed from a 5 year marriage that was emotionally abusive.  The triggers made me so sick.  I could barely stand what I was watching because I knew what it was.  My mother didn't seem to know what it was.  She just took it.  She became the abused and played the part so well that after my aunt left she went almost instantly into congestive heart failure and was terribly sick for 2 solid months.  I lost 7 pounds in those 2 months.
 

I was starting to have panic attacks again and all the time.  I stopped going to the church I was attending because I felt like I wasn't getting any help from my church family (I was not being fair.

I wanted help and I wasn't getting what I wanted as fast as I wanted it). 

I became angry, bitter, resentful, sad and isolated.  Then I got weak and barely made it through the day.  I felt I didn't have the strength to reach out for the help I needed.

I felt like I was getting very sick and was going to get even sicker if something didn't change.

Please understand that I did understand that my aunt was going through a horrible transition in her life.  She was dealing with a change that was like a death.  I felt so sorry for her and prayed for her comfort often.  In September 2012, a year ago almost to the day I wrote about it here.  We tried to continue to be understanding and comforting but her abuse became too much for us to take.
 

       I prayed a lot for God to change the circumstances so I could be free of this burden that had been cast upon me without warning and just when I was starting to feel strong and happy again.  I really couldn't believe what was happening.  I had a lot of guilt for how I felt and my mother was not handling it well either.  She also was riddled with guilt for not being able to keep her promise she had made to her sister many years ago......that she would not put her in a home.  She was strong then and now she was old and sick herself but she tried.  When she and I realized we had made a horrible mistake we felt nothing but guilt and resentment.  It was an awful swirling of emotions.

We did pray for an answer, for joy in the circumstances, for the anger to go away but what we didn't say to God or pray for was Faith.  We didn't thank Him for the learned lessons, the time we had to spend with our aunt and sister.  We did not say "we are having a hard time and we know you have a plan.  Give us the strength and measure of faith to wait on you to handle this for us.  You know what we are going through.  You know what we need and how much we can take.  You know the ending.  We don't.  We trust that you are sovereign over this entire situation."  We did not do that. 

Until one day I did do that.  I knew it was how He would want me to pray so I tried and He answered.

We were able to get our aunt and sister to visit her niece who ended up talking her into going into an assisted living home near her in yet another state.  She didn't take out her anger on anyone else so they were able to help her understand she could not come back because her sister was too sick to take care of her and she had to accept that she would have to stay there but in her own place.  A blessing!

We feel bad but we feel delivered and free.  But now my mother is sick.  She hasn't rallied this time.  Her health has declined and I am working hard with her care and dealing with watching my mother become like a child. 

I sit here and wonder, wrongly, if my mother didn't get sick and I didn't get sicker because we sent my aunt away.  The guilt imbedded in our family history is so damaging yet seemingly out of our control.  Like a limb or something.....it's just there.

The consequences of me not having a measure of faith is that I am now very Angry all the time. 

I am taking it out on my mother and on my son.  I feel like more time has been wasted. 

Am I ever going to get my life back?   Am I being selfish?  I don't know but God is helping me sort this out.

Everyone has made me very aware of my behavior and attitude as has God.  Everything I am reading, every blog post from a Christian blog and every scripture I am turning to in the Bible relates to anger and how we deal with it and how it hurts us and others. 

God is putting it in my face and making me address it because He loves me and wants me free

of the bondage it has put me in.  I must be ready to hear it and to let Him help me. 

His timing is always so right on.  That's how you know it's God, by the way. 

He puts people in your path to reveal a way out, to reveal hope!

Here is the link to the first message of hope for me and my anger from God.  It is from ibelieve.com.  I get daily encouragements from them.  That link took me here.  And it just kept coming.  I was so grateful.  I dropped to my knees and thanked God for hearing my prayers and answering them.  The rest is up to me.

He is perfection and in His perfection is freedom, joy and contentment.  He only wants to bless us but we get in His way.  This is what I have learned this week and I intend to listen and pray and let Him have His way with me. 

I want to thank all of you who are faithful in your walk with God to write what is divinely inspired by God to help people like me who are struggling with faith and anger right now.  If you didn't have faith and weren't obedient to what God was calling you to do, I and people like me wouldn't find your words and would still be struggling without remembering to go to the one and only place to find our freedom and deliverance. 

Bless you.   Anice

Serve Others

I am going to Colorado for Christmas this year.  It has been 5 years since I have seen my step children who are adults now.  It has taken this long for my life to get to a place where I can move around and not be in a fog of anxiety, fear and pain.  Healing takes time.  The journey through healing can sometimes bring added problems that act as sudden obstacles blocking the flow with surges of unexpected fallout from the initial traumas.  Moving through those obstacles takes more time.  We learn something new that was hidden, unresolved and dangerous to our future health.  So we attack and experience the emotions and finally are able to move on.  All of these things that happened that we feel are bad can debilitate us or take us to a higher purpose where we end up having all the tools needed to help someone that crosses our path that is in trouble.  We know how to help them from experience.  We are credible in their eyes and can make a difference.  That is all we can hope for.  Help someone else.  Serve someone else.

We can't do that until we have come through the fire.

Isolation can be for healing

Did you ever wonder why a wounded animal instinctively goes off by itself to lick its wounds?
I believe it knows what it needs to heal.  We are much like that wounded animal when we are wounded.  We tend to go off by ourselves and curl up on the bed or sofa with ice cream or wine, watch movies and listen to songs that make us cry.  We get sad and angry and break things, cry out and break down all in private.  Our friends and family may label this behavior  as "isolating ourselves" and considers it unhealthy if it goes for a longer period of time than what is socially acceptable.  They may say things like "You need to get out more", "Don't wallow in self pity",  "Exercise", "Take up a hobby", always offering up their slice of advise that they have always been taught or that worked for them at one time.  Yes. They are only trying to help but most of the time they are just wasting their time because we aren't ready to do what they think we need to do.
From personal experience with loss and wounds I have noticed that the length of time needed for mourning is individual and dependent on the degree of trauma or loss.  It can be anywhere from 3 days to 3 months to one year.  Some wounds can take years and may need intervention of therapy.

But what I want to talk about here today is something I have watched happen to my aunt.  The elderly are faced with some very big changes when their health begins to fail.  They begin a process of grief that has been described with stages.  And those of us who end up as the caretakers of those individuals go through some stages of their own.

These are "The 5 stages of grief".  They are considered universal.  It is the length of time and the order of the stages that is individual.  The typical order is as follows:

Denial and Isolation
Anger
Bargaining
Depression
Acceptance

I watched my aunt go through the grieving process after falling for the 6th time in several years and having to move in with her sister, leaving her home, her things, her friends and everything she has ever known for 95 years.  She has outlived every one of her 5 brothers and one of her 4 sisters.  The sisters are in their 80's and 90's but in poor physical health.  They can't take care of her when they can barely take care of themselves.  The sister that is 80 is the one who was able to take her in so she did not go to a place she did not want to go,  a nursing home.  That sister is my mother.  I have been living with her and caring for her during numerous health issues.

She has been licking her wounds for about 6 months now.  It has been fairly typical so far.  She did deny her elderly onset diabetes diagnosis the entire time she was in rehab and after she came home.  She kept saying the doctors were wrong even though the paramedics were shocked at her blood sugar level (600) when they had to come after she fell in our home and broke her collar bone and even after the doctor at the hospital admitted her because he wanted to get her sugar level under control.  Once they did that she was sent to rehab where part of her treatment was daily insulin shots.  Again, she protested saying how they had to be wrong because when she was home her doctor did not have her on any diabetes treatment.  We told her that is why she kept falling.  Because of her age diabetes was not the first thing the doctors thought of.  They thought she was falling as older people do.

This distressed her immensely.  How could her family doctor for 50 years be so wrong and everyone around her miss this diagnosis?  We wondered the same thing but soon realized they were placating her.  She was in her 90's after all.  What is the point of putting her through the rigors of daily testing and injections?  She can be very determined not to accept that she is failing and they let her since all she did was sit on her couch and her friends and family waited on her hand and foot.  There wasn't much opportunity to have symptoms.  When she did try to go out or be on her own was when she fell, over and over. 

She told me she had planned on going home and living alone after she spent the winter with us.  She was in denial that her body was failing and that she would not go back to her old life.  She couldn't or wouldn't wrap her head around what was happening.  The tragic part of all this is that she has no dimensia.  She is sharp as a tac.  She is very aware of everything happening around her.  Her memory is in tact aBut as far as you might force it, it's fair enough to call Apple devices 'left wing' insofar as the company model tends to lean toward centralized planning and decision making more than providing a lot of options or 'letting the market decide'. The 'liberal' model of governance (in the contemporary, not the classical, sense) isn't about providing "every possible [choice] imaginable" - in the political sense, that would entail weak federal control and much more power at the state and local level.nd she feels stuck and trapped, unable to stop the wheels of time from taking away her faculties one by one.

She could not live alone anymore so we began steps toward selling her house and packing up her things.  Most of the furniture had to be sold or given to relatives.  There wasn't anywhere to put it.  Once she realized this her emotions then teeter tottered between depression and anger. One day she was despondent and crying, the next she was angry and nasty to everyone around her.  She just wanted to be alone and "why couldn't she just be alone", was what she said one day.   This went on for quite some time.  The day the house closed was the day she decided to begin accepting what had happened.

She is not all the way to acceptance and I'm not sure if she ever will be.  Mostly because of her age she is ready to go.  She is not mustering up the strength and desire to be completely well.
She kept saying, everything is gone, everything is gone. I paid $700 for my kitchen table (50 years ago) and it went for $100.  Her bedroom suite (worth thousands) went to a neighbor for $600. 

That kind of talk finally came to a minor mention here and there.  She is now forcing herself to walk with a cane at times instead of just her walker.  She is excited since we decided to find a casino and take her there to do the one thing she has always enjoyed.  She is counting the days.  Giving her that joy is giving us joy.  It is giving her something to look forward to.  I think the healing has begun!!