Do you sit and wait for God to tell you what He wants you to do for him?
Do you keep asking Him.....What do you want me to do?
Do you hear an answer and dismiss it because It couldn't possibly be coming from God?
It is something you feel completely unworthy to step into and serve?
How can you help someone in this area when you failed in it yourself?
How can you be an example of victory in this area God is telling you to go and disciple?
I am afraid I will fail and do no good at all.
I am afraid I am not hearing God correctly.
I am afraid I will not find the words.
Fear is keeping me from doing what I know God wants me to do and has called me to do for years now. I keep putting Him off. He is patient with me. I don't deserve His patience. Yet He is so patient. Fear and the feeling of unworthiness that I would have any right to minister to those facing a choice that will be one of the hardest they will ever make.
It is the choice to have an abortion. I killed my baby and am forever regretful. It has taken me many years to believe that God has forgiven me my choice.
How He loves me. How my fear melts away when I know and believe this to be true.
I know He will help me. I just have to trust and be Fearless.
I keep remembering Moses and His disbelief that he had been chosen for such a grand task by His God. God put power into his stick and words in his mouth.
Moses was afraid. Yet he was obedient. He trusted and stepped out in faith. God used Him to free His people from bondage.
We are to free people from bondage. Any bondage. Our particular gift could help one of many different kinds of bondage.
Of course my calling has to do with something that is a very complicated bondage since its essence doesn't seem like a bondage to the average person. It seems a way to freedom and living life the way a person planned their life. This bondage would exist in their future if they don't choose correctly.
But my fear and doubt immediately say, who am I to say they are or aren't choosing correctly?
I can only know in my soul that choosing not to do what will make their future easy is the correct choice and do my best to help them see that.
It will be my job to convince them otherwise. That the real bondage will be after they make that choice.
I have a picture in my head of a devil on one shoulder and an angel on another. Both saying to do different things. Society today mostly backs up the devil. Freedom from bondage is what the angel is offering but they can't see it as freedom. They need help seeing it and believing and leaning to choose the path that leads to ultimate freedom and a joy they cannot imagine ever feeling.
Freedom of Choice is what I am to battle. We do have freedom of choice. God gave us free will and it is between a woman and her God what she experiences when she makes that choice. It is not for any government or person to tell that woman what to do, what to choose. So I have to disciple her on what God says and then it is up to her.
I can only tell her what I went through after I made the wrong choice, more than once. I can offer empathy, knowing the pain and how difficult a decision it is. But since I have been there, I can tell her my story and how long I was in bondage and how I was able to be forgiven but that I wished I never had to go through all those years and all those emotions. Even forgiven by my Father, I still regret my choice. I was surrounded by secular people, not one person told me what God thought of what I was contemplating. No one I loved offered me guidance, truth. I may have been able to be swayed the other way but I will never know since no one tried to change my mind.
In fact, they pushed me toward it, told me it would wreck my life and my future. How would they know what God's plan for me was and why did they not tell me to trust in a God that has a plan for me and would take care of me?
I might have believed them.
