She fell and broke her pelvis while going to her mailbox that hung just outside her front door. As she turned around to come back into the house she says she just fell. This is the 4th time she has fallen in the past 3 years. Each time she broke a leg. Each time my mother, her sister, has gotten on a plane and spent Aunt Connie's recuperation time with her. These trips became very costly because she lives in a town that airlines fly to often enough, therefore ticket prices were almost $1000.00 each time.
This time lasted 3 months and the family decided she could not be alone anymore. No one else could take her in. My mother promised her she would never go into a home for the elderly. So off I went creating a home away from home for her.
This is a season that comes in every one of our lives, whether it is a parent who is now elderly or a sibling who lives a very long time but whose physical health deteriorates before their mental faculties start to go. My mother has been physically deteriorating over the past 8 years. It started with heart trouble, then an autoimmune disease called Temperal Arteritis if left untreated would cause blindness. Treatment for this is mega doses of Prednazone. After a year and a half on that drug she rolled over in bed and her vertebrae in her mid to lower back fractured. As it turns out Prednazone causes ostoporosis in areas of the vertebrae. Her other bone density numbers are good. I'm told by the doctors it is her age. She is 80. She thought she pulled something in her back, having had back troubles most of her life. Because she did not go to the doctor right away the area around her vertebrae healed to the point she could not have surgery to fix it. She is now in chronic pain and has been told this is a life sentence. Pain management is her only option.
The Prednaoze also causes huge weight gain. For my very vain mother this was traumatic.
Since then she has been hospitalized for atrial fib twice. The doctors tried "ablation". Her heart was too damaged from too much stress on her heart over the years, left untreated. I believe this is because she is stubborn and never thought she needed to go to a doctor. The final straw was when they could not get her heart out of atrial fib they finally did what I had been suggesting for years - a pace maker. It did the trick. Another thing that affected her health was the drug that heart patients all have to take to prevent clots - Warafin (coumadin). This caused huge areas of bruising. Our dog could not even brush against her without a large cut and bleeding occurred.
Those of you who know about the dangers of a blood thinner and "cuts" know this was causing constant stress on the body and on all of us to make sure she never bumped into anything. I have lived with her all this time feeling she could not be alone. The doctors finally put her on a new heart drug that does not cause the kind of bruising she got from the coumadin. It seems she finally has the right cocktail for all her physical problems. The biggest thing is she is always in pain causing her to only be able to walk for a short time or do a project for a short time before she needs to stop and sit down and take a pain pill. This causes me to take over any project she has started to finish it.
I have a full time job and find it very stressful to care for my mother. I don't have anyone (like a spouse or sister) to help. I grow weary. I never imagined this time would come and what it would entail. I was unprepared. Now we have taken my aunt in who walks with a walker and doesn't really want to be here, turning her life upside down. To top all that off neither of them can hear. There is a lot of screaming and misunderstood conversations. Hearing aids only help so much. They don't wear them like they should either. It makes me never want to get old unless I can keep my physical health and not lose my hearing. I hope they have invented something better than what is out there for hearing aids by the time I start to lose mine.
It has been quite a journey but one that has given me an opportunity to learn patience and strengthened my love and compassion, respect and admiration for my mom. Who would ever know how a parent would be needy but have too much pride to accept help from their child. I look at her sometimes like she is a child now. She's not far gone just seems fragile. But she has taken on a huge task loving her sister so much she puts her needs first and works tirelessly to make sure she is comfortable and feels loved and wanted.
Caretaker seems to be the word that comes to mind when I wonder about the Call on my life. I have been caring for some very sick people since I was 20 years old. That's another post but for now I am hopeful that sharing my past few months with you may help someone else know that every season of your life is a chance given to us by God to learn something new about ourselves and to grow in Him feeling His grace overflowing to help us get through something that is hard!!
Bless you all!!
No comments:
Post a Comment